My heart horse belongs in the former world, but my heart the latter.
Quoting myself on a thought I posted to my facebook wall the other day. It's very true, you know. This has been my conundrum since I realized Daatje was not made of the stuff that is required of a horse to enjoy the sport of eventing, even at the lowest of levels. Her body capable, her mind not willing.
I was looking back at our history together. Trying to make sense of it all and figure out what on earth has kept me in the rut I'm in. Why did I not sell this horse years ago? She should have gone to a show home the instant I realized she was not a candidate to allow me to particiapte in the sport that I love. I tried. I advertised, had prospective buyers. But I could. not. let. her. go. The emptiness I felt at the mere *thought* of being without her, overwhelming.
I love my horse, but at the same time I feel like I'm in a bad relationship because she's no good for me. She doesn't make me look good *at all* in the sport where my allegiance lies. To the point where it no longer makes sense to even try to compete her, or do clinics. My heart wants to be a part of the eventing scene. I want to run GMHA, UNH, Groton House.....I want to be able to justify spending the money to attend Denny Emerson's adult camp.......
We foxhunt, true, but even in the hunt field I have lowered my expectations to suit her ability (mental and physical). I have resigned myself to sit somewhere in 2nd field, skipping half the jumps when my HEART wants to be right behind the first field master jumping *everything* in sight.
In this, she makes me look bad (in my own eyes). My heart sad. Although I would be more miserable without her than I am with her, even feeling left out and neglecting my needs.
Enough of this nonsense.
I have a beautiful, talented animal that for my own selfish ends and infinite stubborness have not allowed to shine in her element. She belongs in the show ring, strutting her fancy gaits and powerful movement before an audience. She belongs in harness. How beautiful she is wearing a harness! And how natural it feels to be holding the lines behind her. I have not even scratched the surface of her potential in these disciplines.
It's time for me to make *her* look good. Enjoy her for who she is, stop trying to turn her into (or wish that she was) something she's not, nor will ever be.
2013 is going to be the year of Daatje. This year, I'm going to let her shine. <3
|Daatje winning the W/T Friesian Pleasure Championship, NEFHC Classic 2005. She was just 4 years old.|